What a relationship is REALLY about
I have developed a new pet peeve recently and this is the false expectations and aspirations both young boys and girls are having about relationships. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the main social media sites where boys and girls post memes and photographs or quotes that portray 'idealistic' relationships. There's a wide variety of different expectations out there and they need to be put across to people, especially those who are young and impressionable, and those who are going through the early stages of discovering what relationships are all about.
A lot of expectations are based around romance novels, tumblr relationships and films. There are a lot of cute couples in books and films, but they're fiction. Again, your friend's may be in a cute relationship, as are a lot of people on tumblr, but that's their personal life. A relationship spirals from the personalities of both people, and also a bit of attraction too.
Two of the most romanticized relationships, both by the media and general public, are the ones between Allie and Noah, from The Notebook, and Effie and Freddie, from Channel 4 series Skins. The first one, between Allie and Noah, because it's ideal, right? They live together, find each other again and die together. They have their arguments but always resolve them and everything about their love is perfect.
Effie and Freddie is, however, a completely different story. A stoner couple stuck in their own little world. Freddie, the dominant half of the partnership, 'takes care of' schizophrenic Effie whilst watching her gulf down hallucinogens and various illegal and dangerous drugs. People romanticize this because mental illness is involved and there is a stronger character taking the lead. It is romanticized to the point where girls are either faking, fantasizing about or exaggerating the symptoms of mental health disorders. Take this from me, hallucinations and purging, taking anti-depressants and going to consistent therapy isn't fun or romantic and it also hurts the people around you. You shouldn't have to pretend to be ill to have the attention of your partner.
Your friends may be in a cute relationship too. Posting photographs of their meals and the sites they've seen together. It's lovely to see, but taking that and trying to turn it into your own relationship with someone else isn't healthy. Because you're basing it on someone else's relationship and trying to reenact their personal experiences.
As said before, a relationship is what YOU, as a couple, make it. If you want to go to the monkey park with your boyfriend/girlfriend, go ahead! It would be a lovely day out, but don't do it because you've seen other couples do it and see it as a social norm. Create your own memories and be yourself rather than acting like what you've seen. I used to think I had to act like Audrey Hepburn when I went out with someone but it wasn't until recently that I discovered I could be myself, because I'm great! I went to my first meet-up with Tom in a band t-shirt, jeans, hoodie and a beanie. I put an effort into my face but I didn't distort myself. Respecting yourself is important in a relationship because it shows you cannot be overpowered and that you're not willing to be changed for the benefit of your partner. So don't pretend to be a film star when you start dating, just be yourself, because that draws the attention of the best people who will love you for you.
Another important thing to note is that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. A couple you see on the internet may look as though they're soulmates and are made for each other, but they could have a lot of issues. They could be abusing one another, one of them may be unfaithful. The possibilities are endless. I hate to bring it up, but last year I went out with an absolute arse. In the first three months everyone thought we were 'one of the cutest couples in the planet'. In actual fact, the abuse started a week after my birthday where he found out something totally irrelevant to him and strangled me. Sometimes people find it hard to speak about these things until they're out of the relationship. So, even if someone says they're content in their relationship, don't jump on board and start looking up to this couple unless you know for a fact all the little secrets of the relationship.
There are simple guidelines for relationships when looking for love, you don't just have to go by what other couples do...
A lot of expectations are based around romance novels, tumblr relationships and films. There are a lot of cute couples in books and films, but they're fiction. Again, your friend's may be in a cute relationship, as are a lot of people on tumblr, but that's their personal life. A relationship spirals from the personalities of both people, and also a bit of attraction too.
Two of the most romanticized relationships, both by the media and general public, are the ones between Allie and Noah, from The Notebook, and Effie and Freddie, from Channel 4 series Skins. The first one, between Allie and Noah, because it's ideal, right? They live together, find each other again and die together. They have their arguments but always resolve them and everything about their love is perfect.
Effie and Freddie is, however, a completely different story. A stoner couple stuck in their own little world. Freddie, the dominant half of the partnership, 'takes care of' schizophrenic Effie whilst watching her gulf down hallucinogens and various illegal and dangerous drugs. People romanticize this because mental illness is involved and there is a stronger character taking the lead. It is romanticized to the point where girls are either faking, fantasizing about or exaggerating the symptoms of mental health disorders. Take this from me, hallucinations and purging, taking anti-depressants and going to consistent therapy isn't fun or romantic and it also hurts the people around you. You shouldn't have to pretend to be ill to have the attention of your partner.
Your friends may be in a cute relationship too. Posting photographs of their meals and the sites they've seen together. It's lovely to see, but taking that and trying to turn it into your own relationship with someone else isn't healthy. Because you're basing it on someone else's relationship and trying to reenact their personal experiences.
As said before, a relationship is what YOU, as a couple, make it. If you want to go to the monkey park with your boyfriend/girlfriend, go ahead! It would be a lovely day out, but don't do it because you've seen other couples do it and see it as a social norm. Create your own memories and be yourself rather than acting like what you've seen. I used to think I had to act like Audrey Hepburn when I went out with someone but it wasn't until recently that I discovered I could be myself, because I'm great! I went to my first meet-up with Tom in a band t-shirt, jeans, hoodie and a beanie. I put an effort into my face but I didn't distort myself. Respecting yourself is important in a relationship because it shows you cannot be overpowered and that you're not willing to be changed for the benefit of your partner. So don't pretend to be a film star when you start dating, just be yourself, because that draws the attention of the best people who will love you for you.
Another important thing to note is that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. A couple you see on the internet may look as though they're soulmates and are made for each other, but they could have a lot of issues. They could be abusing one another, one of them may be unfaithful. The possibilities are endless. I hate to bring it up, but last year I went out with an absolute arse. In the first three months everyone thought we were 'one of the cutest couples in the planet'. In actual fact, the abuse started a week after my birthday where he found out something totally irrelevant to him and strangled me. Sometimes people find it hard to speak about these things until they're out of the relationship. So, even if someone says they're content in their relationship, don't jump on board and start looking up to this couple unless you know for a fact all the little secrets of the relationship.
 |
| They're the wrong way round but you get the picture... |
There are simple guidelines for relationships when looking for love, you don't just have to go by what other couples do...
- Go out together and make your own memories. You don't need to invest in going on a trip to the padlock bridge together because what other couples have done. Do something you both enjoy and create your own memories.
- DRINK RESPONSIBLY- It's not glamorous or attractive to get absolutely paraletic when you're with your partner. It could potentially lead to dangerous situations and circumstances that you will regret.
- Don't pretend to have illnesses and stuff- I promise you, mental and physical health problems are not nice and in reality, they cause a lot of stress for your other half and for yourself. It's nice to be taken care of but you shouldn't have to lie to get attention from someone you're supposed to respect and love. Take it from me, lying on the sofa falling asleep unwillingly because my thyroid refuses to work is horrible, and also having nightmares when your partner is present. Not pleasant.
- Love and respect each other
- Give each other your own personal time. As well as your relationship, there's other commitments too like work, education, family time, personal time etc. Respect that and give each other the space you need.
- Don't feel scared to say your opinion- If there's a problem, talk about it. It makes it a lot better and shows you can be honest with each other about how you feel.
There's a lot of other necessities in relationships which I think you should know, too. But these are the ones that people seem to be forgetting because of these expectations generated by the media.
Whatever makes you happy is up to you, but stay true to yourself and respect yourself. Respect your partner, too. Respect each other, your dreams and goals. That way your relationship won't fail because you're creating and continuing your own story. Your partner should make you feel safe, beautiful/handsome, loved and secure in the relationship i.e. there's no commitment issues.
Stay safe and take note, there's a difference between real love and love stories/fantasies xo
preach! xo
ReplyDelete