My Experience with Mental Illness// The Real and Honest Truth

There's an empty space in this blog that I feel I need to fill and that is my own experience with mental health issues. Many people associate these kinds of posts with wanting to attract sympathy and extra attention. I'm writing this post purely because I have a lot to get off my chest. I have the support network I need and a wonderful family, boyfriend and set of friends. I am getting this off my chest because it has been eating away at me for ages and I believe it is very important to speak about these issues because it gives other people the inspiration to report their experiences and mental health issues. It encourages people to talk about things more.

 I've suffered from mental health issues since the age of fourteen. These issues were mainly caused by bullying which made me a very anxious teenager and they were not diagnosed until I was fifteen years old. I was suffering terribly from depression and anxiety and understandably, at first I just thought it was my hormones, I thought I was overreacting about the bullying and that I was a moody teenager. Until, I began to experience problems with my eating, sleeping and a sudden increase in suicidal tendencies.

This lead to CAHMS diagnosing me with: depression, social anxiety disorder and insomnia

I was showing traits of bulimia, too for a while. It did make me a little bit ill but it came in waves and would only happen if I was really stressed out and felt very self conscious.
 With the help of CAHMS, my moods improved and I was staying positive. I made it through to the end of my GCSE's when euphoria hit me. I never had to go back to that horrible school again. But unfortunately I attracted more trouble...

 This is the hard part for me as a very limited number of people know about this. But some very dear friends of mine have come out about their experiences which has inspired me to do the same, to inspire people to talk about these issues and report them. But, excuse me if I take a while to cut to the chase, because although I've been encouraged to talk about it, it's not going to be easy.
 During the first week of my summer holidays I befriended a guy who was a mutual friend of someone who helped me through my bullying. He seemed to show genuine concern of what I had been through and agreed that I needed to talk to someone and let a load of anger out. We spoke for a few weeks then agreed to meet up. When we met up, he wasn't who he said he was. He had the same name, he looked the same but he did not have the same interests. He didn't really care. He met up with me and within an hour of trying to gain my trust in person, I was assaulted and raped.

Understandably, through summer my symptoms of depression and anxiety intensified. My counsellor noticed this and put me on anti-depressants (fluoxetine) and a special sleeping tablets called melatonin. This helped but I could still feel my secret eating away at me. So in the same year, just before my birthday my counsellor managed to get out of me what was bothering me. This then lead to my diagnosis of PTSD. Something which I have been blogging a lot about recently to raise awareness and build myself up to talk about my experience to all you lovely people who read my blog.

 Unfortunatley, my mental health didn't do too well throughout my first year of college as I was in a horrifying relationship. Something I let people presume was the cause of my PTSD which kind of made me want to write this post too as it got a bit annoying. It didn't help the symptoms in the slightest but I managed to move on from it a lot easier than this particular incident.

BUT IT'S NOT ALL DOOM AND GLOOM FOR ME 

Last summer, I escaped.

 I got away and went to my grandparents for a week with my mum. I wore makeup, shorts, had my first attempt of coming off anti-depressants, visited the Courts of Justice Museum. I had fun and became myself again. 

 I spent time with friends and my family and had an amazing family holiday. Everything was perfect. I started a new course at college to enable me to organize art workshops for children with learning disabilities, as a bonus to my future studies to become a primary school teacher. 

This is where it gets soppy..

 I also met someone who is now very very close to my heart. His name is Tom and we met on the 21st of October last year. We went to the cinema, then to see Asking Alexandria, and then to Alton Towers where our relationship began at a place we both love. I really really hate corny stuff but I'm being serious when I say he is my hero, along with my parents, Al and Elaine. He doesn't try too hard, he's just Tom. He doesn't try to act like a 'LAD', or try to be 'different and indie'. And Tom is just perfect for me. Tom has shown me over the past four months what love should really feel like and this is something I never want to stop experiencing.  Not only is he incredibly gorgeous, not only does he hold a reasonably adequate music taste and take pride in his work and hobbies. He cares and goes out of his way to be kind to everyone around him. He always considers the feelings of my family and me. He's encouraged me to get a job and now look, I'm a ride host at the countries most loved theme park!  I am truly in love and seriously don't plan on changing that... 

 I've also managed to come off my anti-depressants with the help of this wonderful man, my family and friends. Third time lucky! It wasn't easy but for sure it was worth it! 

 I've realized who my real friends are, too. Although I can only count these friends on one hand, I wouldn't have it any other way. These friends are people I can trust with everything and always rely on. I wouldn't change them for the world. They know who they are.  

If you are going through similar issues...

- Talk to someone, it's a massive weight off your shoulders. It can be a friend, member of your family,  or even one of the Samaritans. There are a lot of jokes made about them but they save so many lives and are great at giving advice to people going through all sorts of problems

- If needed, seek professional help. You may need medical attention as all issues mentioned in this post are illnesses of the mind and there are many different kinds of therapy that can help. NHS organizations and even private psychotherapists can refer you and try out lots of different types of treatment whether it's group therapy or art therapy. 

- NEVER GIVE UP. I used to hate it when people told me 'it get's better' and I thought it was the most overused phrase ever. But with the right help and support I promise you now things will get better. 

- As a blogger, I care about the issues of all my readers. Please never shy away from talking to me about your problems. I gradually recovered from these issues (PTSD and anxiety are still a bit shaky) and have a box full of different ideas to help cope. I will begin to post artistic expression ideas and tutorials on to this blog and will aim to have one of these posts every weekend! 

Stay safe guys, I love you all xo