Personal Mission Statement// My goals for the year
I go on to my friends so much about this 'new year, new me' crap, because it really gets on my grind when people just don't shut up about it. Half the people who say this, say it half heartedly. They make all these New Years Resolutions about losing weight, going to the gym more. The really common stuff. I've never really made a New Years Resolution myself because I know I just suck at sticking to stuff like that. But this year I just want to make a few challenging goals for myself that I know I will stick at with the help of people around me. I'm not aiming too high and keeping things realistic as when it comes to stuff like this, I will either exert myself and just make things worse emotionally, or completely give up due to a lack of self-motivation.
Gain control over my emotions again: I've been experiencing really bad withdrawal symptoms after coming off my fluoxetine, some of them are physical and others are mental. Because of this sudden change I've lost control over my emotions, my anxiety attacks have become more frequent and I've grown really paranoid over things I know aren't going to happen. An example of this would be the Sunday night that's just gone. I cried hysterically for half an hour because I thought I was never going to see Tom again. Luckily he was with me at the time and as per, dealt with it amazingly well. But these episodes are getting too frequent and I am more than aware if I am crying about stuff that's made up in my own head, I will not be able to cope when it comes to existent issues I may face. I am now 18 and have had depression and severe anxiety since the age of 14. This year, I want to re-gain my emotional control and feel healthy again.
Feel confident about my appearance: This is a massive issue for me and I know I need to sort it. I use an artistic blogging site, tumblr, a lot in my spare time. Every time I log in my eyes are feasted with photographs of stunning girls. Girls who would look amazing in a bin bag and are absolutely flawless. I have always felt like I'm in the shadows compared to these people. I come across as an overly confident and bubbly character at college who has bags of confidence but I've never been able to take a compliment. If my mum tells me I am beautiful, I just say 'You're my mum, you're biased' or something along those lines. I've burst into tears on shopping trips when trying stuff on and never had the courage to dress up because I'm that paranoid of people's reactions. Hence why I dress in comfortable clothes like band t-shirts and jeans, but pile on my make-up. To stop these feelings, I'm going to try my best to dress up, gain confidence and try new things. I know there are different things about me that make me beautiful and different to others. I just need to take time during the year to realise this. If it means dolling myself up for selfies, going out more and experimenting with my style, so be it.
Change my style: This kind of relates to the point I made above. It's mainly because of the hair cut I am having for The Little Princess Trust and Macmillan Cancer Support. I will be cutting off 8 inches of my hair to support both charities and it's going to be quite a shock to the system. I'm adapting my style and experimenting depending on the outcome of the hair cut and how it's going to be styled. It's going to be in-between a pixie cut and a bob. After I've had this done, I will be having a photo shoot to gain further sponsors. I also think it will be a big confidence boost. It's a big deal for me as I've always had long hair and I'm doing it in honor of my aunt who is currently suffering with cancer, but a big change in regards to hair will prepare me for a big change in my appearance which I will be working on and altering throughout the year.
Overcome nightmares: I've had recurrent nightmares and intense dreams for as long as I can remember, especially while I have been overcoming past traumas and ordeals. I want to do this for myself, as it's not helping my health at the moment and I am having to put myself back on melatonin tablets. I'm also doing it for Tom and my friends who I have frequent sleepovers with like Rachel. I get really embarrassed after having these nightmares as I wake up all sweaty and my speech isn't exactly great. It means a lack of sleep for them too. So I'm doing this for them and myself.
Gain financial control: When it comes to money, I am the worst for letting it burn a whole in my pocket. I now have an upcoming job of being a child minder's assistant, starting off at minimum wage then increasing as my boss's business expands and she gets more children in her care. This money will be going towards travel expenses, things I may need in future and hopefully getting a place for me to live so I can learn to be independent once I gain confidence again and feel ready.
These things are going to prove challenging but I'm sure they will be achievable. Thank you for everyone who has supported me throughout everything that has been going on recently and putting up with my incredibly sudden mood swings. Love to you all xo
Gain control over my emotions again: I've been experiencing really bad withdrawal symptoms after coming off my fluoxetine, some of them are physical and others are mental. Because of this sudden change I've lost control over my emotions, my anxiety attacks have become more frequent and I've grown really paranoid over things I know aren't going to happen. An example of this would be the Sunday night that's just gone. I cried hysterically for half an hour because I thought I was never going to see Tom again. Luckily he was with me at the time and as per, dealt with it amazingly well. But these episodes are getting too frequent and I am more than aware if I am crying about stuff that's made up in my own head, I will not be able to cope when it comes to existent issues I may face. I am now 18 and have had depression and severe anxiety since the age of 14. This year, I want to re-gain my emotional control and feel healthy again.
Feel confident about my appearance: This is a massive issue for me and I know I need to sort it. I use an artistic blogging site, tumblr, a lot in my spare time. Every time I log in my eyes are feasted with photographs of stunning girls. Girls who would look amazing in a bin bag and are absolutely flawless. I have always felt like I'm in the shadows compared to these people. I come across as an overly confident and bubbly character at college who has bags of confidence but I've never been able to take a compliment. If my mum tells me I am beautiful, I just say 'You're my mum, you're biased' or something along those lines. I've burst into tears on shopping trips when trying stuff on and never had the courage to dress up because I'm that paranoid of people's reactions. Hence why I dress in comfortable clothes like band t-shirts and jeans, but pile on my make-up. To stop these feelings, I'm going to try my best to dress up, gain confidence and try new things. I know there are different things about me that make me beautiful and different to others. I just need to take time during the year to realise this. If it means dolling myself up for selfies, going out more and experimenting with my style, so be it.
Change my style: This kind of relates to the point I made above. It's mainly because of the hair cut I am having for The Little Princess Trust and Macmillan Cancer Support. I will be cutting off 8 inches of my hair to support both charities and it's going to be quite a shock to the system. I'm adapting my style and experimenting depending on the outcome of the hair cut and how it's going to be styled. It's going to be in-between a pixie cut and a bob. After I've had this done, I will be having a photo shoot to gain further sponsors. I also think it will be a big confidence boost. It's a big deal for me as I've always had long hair and I'm doing it in honor of my aunt who is currently suffering with cancer, but a big change in regards to hair will prepare me for a big change in my appearance which I will be working on and altering throughout the year.
Overcome nightmares: I've had recurrent nightmares and intense dreams for as long as I can remember, especially while I have been overcoming past traumas and ordeals. I want to do this for myself, as it's not helping my health at the moment and I am having to put myself back on melatonin tablets. I'm also doing it for Tom and my friends who I have frequent sleepovers with like Rachel. I get really embarrassed after having these nightmares as I wake up all sweaty and my speech isn't exactly great. It means a lack of sleep for them too. So I'm doing this for them and myself.
Gain financial control: When it comes to money, I am the worst for letting it burn a whole in my pocket. I now have an upcoming job of being a child minder's assistant, starting off at minimum wage then increasing as my boss's business expands and she gets more children in her care. This money will be going towards travel expenses, things I may need in future and hopefully getting a place for me to live so I can learn to be independent once I gain confidence again and feel ready.
These things are going to prove challenging but I'm sure they will be achievable. Thank you for everyone who has supported me throughout everything that has been going on recently and putting up with my incredibly sudden mood swings. Love to you all xo
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