Toxic Friendships

Over the course of many years, both girls and boys will find themselves coming out of and going into new friendships. When falling out with or losing a friend whilst being a child or teenager, it seems like the end of the world, I know this from experience.
 From the age of four I've had many problems making friends. I was always a chatty child but I just wasn't really liked. I was also in a year group at primary school where there were only five girls. Guess who got left out? Little old me.
 It doesn't get easier really, making friends in secondary school, college and Uni can be equally daunting. Even the popular people get nervous! I've written this blog post for anyone who is starting a new school, college or group activity (anything really!) as a bit of moral support and to give some simple guidelines on how to make true friends and avoid toxic friendships.

Making Friends

1. Always be yourself. You will attract people with similar interests which always gives you something to talk about. If you see someone wearing a t-shirt of a band you like, go and start talking to them, ask them what their favorite song is. It's a basic but incredible conversation starter. Finding common interests opens up so many doors when it comes to making friends. 
2. You don't always have to be friends with people who are identical to you. I have a group of friends who are from a mixture of different sub-cultures. I have feminist friends, hippy friends, 'swag fag' friends. A great big mixture. It also gives us a lot to talk about.
3. Make sure they are truthful and trustful. Lying is a way to break down trust anyway. But it can also do a lot more damage to a friendship. It's not the right way to go about building trust. If they are lying about small, irrelevant things who knows what else they may lie about?
4. RULE: They are not a true friend until they defend you in your absence No matter how intimidated they may feel, a true friend will always defend you if someone talks about you behind your back whilst trying to withstand further aggrrivation. 
5. If they are selfish, leave them. They're not worth it. No one likes those 'friends' who only know you when they need something. If they are self-centered and have no devotion for you, only care about their own feelings then they are not worth your time or energy. Even if they just make the conversation revolve purely around their life and opinions, this indicates they are a bad friend and won't be there for you in your time of need.

Coming out of a Toxic Friendship-The 3 Golden Rules

1. Confrontation-Without being rude, let them know how you are feeling. It might improve your relationship with this person and things could change. Meet in a nice and calm environment, like a coffee shop, to discuss your feelings about the friendship and how you think things are going. You never know, they might feel the same way! Get all your feelings out in the open without causing drama or being aggressive, as this doesn't help anything. 
2. Blocking- This can be aimed at many teenage girls. We are known for being bitchy and stubborn in arguments. If a 'friend' makes derogatory comments, spreads a rumor or anything along those lines then they are not even worth confrontation. Don't escalate it by giving them mutual grief, it doesn't solve anything and makes you look like an equally bad person. Block them and completely blank them. You will win, they will know they are not worth your time of day and eventually back off as they are not getting a response from you which is what they aspired to get in the first place. 
3. Dealing with arguments- Sometimes at the end of an argument, people call it a day. Not all arguments have to be catty and aggressive. They can simply be debates and discussions of feelings. From experience of being a young girl, I know how hard it is when someone tells you they don't want to be friends anymore, it's horrible. It doesn't always have to be that way though. Accept the decision, don't grovel for them.  It makes you look desperate. Appreciate the friends you currently have and spend more time with them! They will look after you and obviously want your friendship and time. They have been there throughout all this grief presumably many other similar situations. 

I hope this very vague but truthful and honest article helps you when you move schools, colleges or start a new activity. If you are going through a hard time in your friendship group, accommodate your own feelings and make sure there is as little drama as possible. Love always..xo