Que Sera Sera// Personal Update
I don't know why I put 'que sera sera' as the title piece but I suppose it's quite relevant. Whatever will be, will be.
I've been quite reserved on here recently as I've had writers block and I didn't really have much to talk about other than work and college. But I think you've all heard enough about that and there's only so much I can write about certain topics before I drive you all insane and put you off reading my blog.
I decided to write a personal update because I've experienced a wide variety of emotions over the past couple of weeks. There's been a few personal life lessons that I've learned from the hard way, regarding relationships. I've only really had one type of relationship which I didn't gain anything positive from because it lead me to think the worst and become a defensive person trapped in a little shell. At the moment, because of certain issues I've been defensive with people and shut people out. I've taken things out on innocent people like my wonderful boyfriend and family members. This is something I regret and am now refraining from because these people are here for life and mean the world to me. These are the people who will always care and I can't afford to lose any of them. With regards to my relationship, we are becoming more and more mature as this September will be a big milestone. Tom will be going off to Uni and I will start studying my CACHE Child Education course. It's going to be a challenge not seeing Tom as often but it will build our strength and give us a taste of the real world. I'm saving my earnings from August onwards to be able to afford train tickets to see him. I know the distance isn't going to damage us and it's just for a few years. It's for our future, as is my course.For now though, I am just keeping my fingers crossed for him as he goes through his A levels.
Generally speaking I am a very happy bunny at the moment. I love my job and my team have made me feel so welcome. I'm saving for my holiday with Tom and just a few nice bits as well as some driving lessons.
College is going to pick up soon as I will be going in for a couple of weeks with my coursework books while my lecturers give me an individual learning plan which will involve me working from home so I don't feel pressured to integrate, give PowerPoints and share my ideas. As an art student I'm reserved and hate sharing ideas with anyone. I've also struggled getting along with others as stated above. But this freedom will be such a breath of fresh air for me. I will finally get treated like an adult!
In terms of getting upset and anxious about stuff I'm considering starting counseling again because it's just not fair on other people, and knowing I'm upsetting other people with these sub-concious blunt phases really gets me down. If it doesn't get sorted soon I will end up with no one and that's the last thing I want. Because since October last year things have gone up-hill and I'm not prepared to let that change because of my shitty attitude.
What I'm going to do to change my attitude:
I've been quite reserved on here recently as I've had writers block and I didn't really have much to talk about other than work and college. But I think you've all heard enough about that and there's only so much I can write about certain topics before I drive you all insane and put you off reading my blog.
I decided to write a personal update because I've experienced a wide variety of emotions over the past couple of weeks. There's been a few personal life lessons that I've learned from the hard way, regarding relationships. I've only really had one type of relationship which I didn't gain anything positive from because it lead me to think the worst and become a defensive person trapped in a little shell. At the moment, because of certain issues I've been defensive with people and shut people out. I've taken things out on innocent people like my wonderful boyfriend and family members. This is something I regret and am now refraining from because these people are here for life and mean the world to me. These are the people who will always care and I can't afford to lose any of them. With regards to my relationship, we are becoming more and more mature as this September will be a big milestone. Tom will be going off to Uni and I will start studying my CACHE Child Education course. It's going to be a challenge not seeing Tom as often but it will build our strength and give us a taste of the real world. I'm saving my earnings from August onwards to be able to afford train tickets to see him. I know the distance isn't going to damage us and it's just for a few years. It's for our future, as is my course.For now though, I am just keeping my fingers crossed for him as he goes through his A levels.
Generally speaking I am a very happy bunny at the moment. I love my job and my team have made me feel so welcome. I'm saving for my holiday with Tom and just a few nice bits as well as some driving lessons.
College is going to pick up soon as I will be going in for a couple of weeks with my coursework books while my lecturers give me an individual learning plan which will involve me working from home so I don't feel pressured to integrate, give PowerPoints and share my ideas. As an art student I'm reserved and hate sharing ideas with anyone. I've also struggled getting along with others as stated above. But this freedom will be such a breath of fresh air for me. I will finally get treated like an adult!
In terms of getting upset and anxious about stuff I'm considering starting counseling again because it's just not fair on other people, and knowing I'm upsetting other people with these sub-concious blunt phases really gets me down. If it doesn't get sorted soon I will end up with no one and that's the last thing I want. Because since October last year things have gone up-hill and I'm not prepared to let that change because of my shitty attitude.
What I'm going to do to change my attitude:
- Find happiness in small things
- Have an open mind towards new people, tasks and goals
- Stop exerting myself so much and take a few breaks in order to avoid being cranky and grouchy.
- Always remember how much my family, friends and boyfriend have done for me. From the beginning of the relationship to now and how things could get better in the future by remaining positive.
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