Changes | Lifestyle

There's been a lot of changes for me recently. Summer has become Autumn, the leaves are going to start changing soon, it will begin to get darker earlier at night. But more importantly, it is the start of a new academic year. And this one is a fresh start...sort of.

Such crappy photography skills...give me a break, it's 11.45pm!

September 2015 will mark my third and final attempt at college. As you know, my first year at college was in 2013, where I began my AS levels. Unfortunately this didn't go to plan. Not only were the subjects I took not really suited to the way I learn, but I got into a bad relationship and also had a meltdown in one of my exams.
 Year two, 2013-2014. I wasn't given any information on a childcare course. Obviously because of my grades I wasn't able to resit my AS levels. Going on to A2 was out of the question. I was railroaded into doing a photography BTEC, which I didn't mind at first because I am quite an arty person and it just would have been extra UCAS points and credits whilst I searched for something I really wanted to do.
 I slowly began to hate the whole tiresome concept of photography. Going out on a shoot and spending time filling in model consent forms, statements of intent and analyzing images that took hours of editing, My brain was beginning to get fried by all the time I had to spend behind a computer screen.

Finally, I plucked up the courage to take the scenic route and applied for yet another college course. Level 3 Childcare and Education at Buxton College. I promised myself to work extra hard so I could get the extra UCAS points for a place in a university to study Primary Education. And that promise will be kept...

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I had my first induction day on Friday (4th September) and I was absolutely terrified. Most of the other girls were two years younger than me and I was worried I wouldn't fit in. Luckily I stuck with four girls who were really lovely and welcoming. 

 Then I just became overwhelmed with anxiety when I had to start speaking about myself. We were all given a task to decorate a folder our tutor would keep all our records in. After this, we had to stand up and explain our illustrations and how they described us. Not realizing I would have to explain everything I'd drawn, I went mad and drew loads of little illustrations. Once I'd been asked to stand up, my folder was flapping round because of how violently my hand was shaking. I soon managed to compose myself, but then my voice began to shake, and my eyes were watering a little bit. But, I got it done.

It was five minutes after I just had to leave the room because I couldn't stay. I felt sick to my stomach. How boring was I? Were my drawings rubbish? Did I blush too much? 

The evening when I got home wasn't great either. I hardly slept worrying about the next week. And the fact I will have to give so many presentations if I want this as a career. Especially in college, uni and teacher training days. 

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However, I am prepared for this course and I know I can do it with hard work. I am aware I need to get a grip of my anxiety, and it hurts knowing that if I don't I won't be prepared for my dream career. 

My mum has revamped the spare room into a little study for me, with shelves, cupboards and a nice desk space. 

College have also been amazing about my anxiety, and so understanding. I will potentially be getting a room to go to if I start to feel crap during lectures. All my lecturers are so friendly, too, which has helped me settle a little. 

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As well as college, there's going to be more changes. Job changes. I won't be working at Alton Towers much longer because of health reasons. So I have applied for jobs at Sainsbury's, Aldi and Homebase. I have an interview at Sainsbury's this Tuesday so hopefully that will go to plan! 

Then I have this week as my induction week at college. Fingers crossed I will be able to keep myself contained and calm. 

Tom will be moving to uni this Saturday which is going to be a massive step for him and very emotional. He's no longer going to be 10 minutes down the road. But a 25 minute bus journey, which isn't too bad at all! At least he won't be in Bradford. I hope he makes lots of new friends and enjoys the experience. I'm jealous it's not happening to me this year!

All these changes are not necessarily a bad thing, though. In the grand scheme of things, they are taking me down different paths, introducing me to new things and different people. These changes are bringing out the best in me, and helping me become a new person..

A new me...?

I have also noticed a massive change I need to make. Self belief.

If I don't believe in myself, who will? Self belief will give me motivation and positivity in all that I do. Telling myself I can do it, even when I think I can't. 

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If you are starting somewhere new this year too, work hard and make the most of it. Even if things do not go to plan, there will always be something you can do to make things better! 

Have a wonderful new academic year