I Was Stalked | My Personal Experience and How to Get Help

Hello everyone!

I'm going to be writing about something not many people know about today. Some people do know about it, just not the extent of it. But it's an issue that's not spoken about enough. I think the only case I've really seen broadcasted is John Lennon's death and Lily Allen's interview on Loose Women a couple of months or years ago. So let's get onto it and drawer more awareness on...stalking. 

Stalking is something that's extremely difficult to define because perpetrators use a whole host of methods to terrorise and harass their victims. But if I could define it, I'd say something like 'the act of continuously violating someone's privacy and carrying out acts of assault or emotional damage towards another individual'...or 'being a total and utter creep'.
 The scary thing is, anyone can stalk you. It can be a friend or a total stranger who's been ogling at your Facebook (yes, make sure you keep your profile on high privacy settings because this happens!). I don't really know how to describe what my stalker was, because I feel so bitter about it. A lot of people don't really understand the degree of how it's affected me. I'd admit he started as someone I was gradually becoming friends with, and then he wanted more.

My personal experience 

I had just turned sixteen years old when I met stalker boy. Let's call him Dave. He was local, had some mutual friends and either added me on Facebook or met me during one of my regular evenings with my friendship group at the park in summer. I think it was the second one. I don't really remember the calm bits. 

So Dave started messaging me on Facebook which I was fine with. Everything was normal. He then asked if I wanted to go and see Iron Man 3. Was it Iron Man 3? I don't know, it's the one that starts with the costume and this deep monologue then 'I'm Blue (Da Ba Dee) starts playing. Again, I saw this as completely normal. I go to the cinema with my friends all the time, it's no different just because he was male. 

 We then got KFC. Everything still normal. Then he asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I really needed to get back to my family because my grandma was round and I had GCSE's to revise for. So I said 'I can get a coke or something really quick but I should be getting back'. He'd driven us there so I sort of felt obliged to do whatever. We went into the pub in Derby opposite the hospital, bumped into one of his friends and...this is where it started to get uncomfortable. I don't know if I was being really paranoid, but I saw them exchanging looks, and they were making loads of indirect innuendos. Baring in mind I was three to four years younger I started to feel uneasy and my anxiety wasn't great at the time, either. 

 I lied and pretended I had an angry text from my mum raging at me and asking where I was. We shot off back home and I got out the car.

This is where it got a little scary...

I got out the car and said bye but he was persistent in showing me some army equipment he had. I remember him saying he had trained with the army or had been in the army, which I found a little odd because a variety of things just didn't click together. I'd be here forever if I tried to explain. But he had equipment in the back. Helmets, a bullet-proof vest, bullets and an unloaded gun. This isn't a joke. But I thought it was legit and young, naive Liv/Grace didn't realise the amount of criminal offences he was committing because I later found out he was not a registered infantry soldier *dun dun duuuuuuun*.

Now I'm not a gun expert, but these were his. I don't know if a 'glock' or whatever is dangerous, but I know I wouldn't like to be shot either way. You will soon understand why I was so concerned, and still am, as I elaborate and give more detail on the incidents. Also, these pictures are legit from his account. If I gave you his name, these would show up. I've blocked out his name just to spare further drama or putting myself in danger.

Anyway, I ignored messages and requests to meet up as I was revising more. I was still naive about the weapons, although it was all a little startling. I then received a message from him which was really long and rambled about how I wasn't giving him "a chance" and how he really "enjoyed the date". The date. 

I felt after this that I needed to see him to set the record straight. We went on a dog walk just on the roads near my house and I began to explain why I couldn't enter a relationship with him and why I was concerned about his ideas of our simple meet-up being a 'date'. He really wasn't showing any understanding or consideration. I ended up getting extremely frustrated and just roared 'I'm fucking depressed and unstable, ok?'. He then tried to kiss me halfway through this sentence, I pushed him off and walked home. I was shaken and in disbelief at how blind he was to all of this and self absorbed, only thinking about his own wants.

This is when the stalker-ish behaviour began. Letters were being posted. New Facebook and Twitter accounts were made to get messages to me. Letters, bars of chocolate, gifts posted through my letter box. My friends were used as messaging owls. If I was at Katie's, she would mysteriously get a message from one of his billion accounts saying 'Are you with Liv?'. I was being sent links to porn websites from his accounts, which he would then delete. Everything was going way too far to the point where I had to isolate myself for months because I was too scared to leave the house.

 I was then notified he was writing a romantic fiction about me. I was sent screenshots from friends, and photographs from these accounts that were curiously deleting themselves. 

In this book, my name was 'Olivier'...a really bad spelling of my actual name. He was basing himself as an infantry soldier and me as a concerned girlfriend but who some people wanted to hurt and for some reason I had experienced violence and physical assault in this story. In real life, I hadn't at this point and was concerned that he was channelling his anger against me into this book and was possibly expressing what he wanted to do. It was so surreal that this was happening in such a small, 'safe' town. I tried to see through it and continue to ignore it because I didn't want to believe I was being exposed to such a dangerous situation. 

Another account was then made. I was so fed up and asked "What do you want?". He wanted to make me his project girlfriend. He believed he could solve my problems through buying me things and taking me out to places. He honestly thought this would cure depression better than counselling, medication and spending time with people I actually valued and didn't write creepy books about me. He wanted to take pride in "healing me" for his own ego. 

 I told him it wasn't that simple and he needed to leave me alone because more people were growing concerned for my mental state and safety. I was, I just didn't want it to show and was too focused on revising. 

Things died down a little. Or so I thought.

A month of little harassment, I had just come out of the local gym. I walked over to the shop to get a big bottle of water, as I usually did. I saw a black Hyundai and presumed my mum was still in Ashbourne at her appointment. So I continued doing what I was doing, walked out of the shop and started to make my way home. 

 As I entered the leisure centre car park across the road, I heard a car horn beep. "Great!" I thought, "A lift from mum!". I was more than wrong. I completely forgot Dave had a black Hyundai, too. 

The car pulled into the car park and the figure wearing sun glasses with a stoney face grew more and more clear. I power walked and pretended I hadn't seen him. I got as far as the doctors (around 5 yards away) and felt a tight grab around my wrist. I yanked my hand a way and carried on walking, screaming "F*ck off!". This crap had been going on for four months and I don't care if I made myself look like a complete nut case. He kept grabbing for me, I kept pulling away and walking. I grew more and more scared remembering what he had in the back of his car, especially when I saw him run back. 

 I ran home and was relieved to meet one of my friends, who was also walking back home from town. I told her everything and felt so much safer knowing, at least if I had been pulled into a car, I'd of had a witness who'd be able to grab a number plate and call someone before he got far. 

The messages kept coming. I ignored them as I had before. 

I had a conversation with a family friend about the whole thing and she made some shocking revelations to me. She, herself, had been in a similar situation and told me how easy it was to purchase faux army equipment nowadays, and how he obviously has a deep obsession or has ventured too far into his own lies. She clarified what he did was attempted kidnapping and with the equipment he had, I could of been in a very very dangerous situation. 

Later, more drama came as he was beginning to release details of suicide and self harm attempts, messaging me saying he had been hospitalised in a psychiatric ward. I knew this was not true because I'm certain they have limited access to technology which can gain access to social media in psychiatric hospitals. He was posting far too regularly. One photo sent me over the edge as it was obviously directed at my oh-so-evil behaviour and how I rejected him...

He was guilt tripping me and trying to make me "go back" to him. He seemed extremely deranged.

This was the day before I was due to go on holiday. I decided to put all my technology on aeroplane mode and everything seemed to die down a little more.

As far as I know, that was the end of it. I had a load of notifications when I got home but ignored them and made yet another new Facebook account making sure I had no one on my friends list who could share any information about my where about's to him. I was told he had moved to Canada or somewhere after the whole ordeal for three years. I am increasingly growing worried, because those three years will be up in a month or two. And what if it happens again? Hopefully I am now well equipped in order to deal with it properly. 

How it's affected me now...

Combined with other traumatic experiences I have faced, here are some of the main ways this particular episode has affected me

• Paranoid about his return
• Constantly looking into empty cars to ensure no one is lurking and ready to pounce
• Having to familiarise myself to new and old environments by staring, ensuring people aren't looking at me or following me. If I see a hooded figure or someone who even looks suspicious, I'm not being judgemental, I'm just scared from my own experiences
• Looking out my window when a car pulls up to my drive to make sure it's not him
• Always looking back when walking to make sure no one is following me

It may seem like nothing, but I don't feel like anyone deserves to be this paranoid about their own safety because of the actions of one or more individuals. As well as these concerns and affects from the stalking, I also face a multitude of PTSD symptoms from events of abuse. 

How to deal with stalkers

As soon as you get the hint that someone is acting too obsessively, inform them you are uncomfortable and block them. Set up a new Facebook account and telephone number if you have to and remove any mutual contacts you feel you cannot trust.

Keep a diary of all the inappropriate behaviour. Date it, time it, screenshot any messages, save any gifts as evidence. Take it all to the police if you feel it's going too far and you believe you're in danger. Even if you think it's not at a dangerous stage yet, it's always best to nip it in the bud!

***Helplines***

NATIONAL STALKING HELPLINE -0808 802 0300

NSPCC- IF YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT ANOTHER CHILD/YOUNG ADULT:

               0808 800 5000

                IF YOU'RE UNDER 18 LOOKING FOR ADVICE OR HELP:  0800 1111

POLICE- IF YOU FEEL IN IMMEDIATE DANGER or JUST WANT TO STOP THE STALKER SOONER: 999

SAMARITANS HELPLINE: 116 123

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I hope this post has been insightful and helped those who may, or have been, in a similar situation. Please speak out, remove yourself or someone else from any danger and seek help. These are horrific situations that can make you manic and paranoid later down the line. Get help and advice, even the police, sooner rather than later.

If you need to talk, I am here! 

Liv xo