Getting Back at your Abuser & Why it's Not for Me

Recently, I have seen an increasing amount of empowering news articles about women getting their rapists and abusers back. Not through the judicial system, but off their own backs. Sometimes even paying people to do it for them.

  Over the years, as I have come out more about my experiences of sexual assault, I have been asked whether I would consider getting revenge. My answer? No.

Whilst I have never reported my cases, because I am aware the police still have a long way to go in terms of taking these issues seriously, and the fact that the whole court process (if it even gets that far!) will be traumatic and bring everything back to me, I still prefer to remain neutral and continue with my life. 

 My first reason is this. Some argue that the attacker deserves to feel what they inflicted on another innocent human. I believe in karma. And I do not want to get myself, or anyone else, into trouble over some worthless scum bag. I feel as though one day, they will get what's coming to them, and it's not my place to do that. Just time. They will eventually realise what they have done, whether they are caught for reoffending or, in a few years, back track and begin to regret their previous actions. I personally do not understand how someone could live knowing they have physically and emotionally hurt and scarred someone. 

  People have offered to find one of my attackers for me. I have politely declined. It is part of my life that I need to get on with myself. It shouldn't be made to be anyone else's issue.

  I accept some people have different coping mechanisms and this may put their mind at rest. But by allowing the perpetrator to know how broken and angry I am about the whole ordeal is still allowing him to win. He will be witnessing my raw emotions. He obviously set out to hurt me, and he will be witnessing my hurt. I will lose, again. 

The thought of even being in his vicinity makes me feel sick. I know I wouldn't be strong enough to tackle him alone. I wasn't the first time. And if I set out to go and hurt him I will honestly feel just as bad. Because I don't like hurting people. I'm not a violent person. 

I get angry and upset about it a lot. I am still traumatised. But I have found my own way of coping. I write letters and tear them up, I do art to distract myself, I spend time with my nearest and dearest. I exercise when I can. I am kind to others.

By exercising kindness, I reassure myself that there are wonderful people in this world and it allows me to forget the sly and evil minority of people who want to hurt me. If I allow myself to go back and dwell on a negative part on my life, and someone who has affected me negatively,  I will become scared of everything around me and lose sight of everything I love. I want to live a happy life, and not a life full of hate and regret.

Instead of backtracking and inflicting my anger on someone who has hurt me and is capable to make me feel 1000x worse about myself, I can go to someone who cares and who can give me a positive outcome from venting. What does violence and aggression achieve, when you can just tell someone how you're feeling and know they're always going to be their. Discover new friendships.

Surround yourself with love 

Grace xo