Helping someone with a mental illness// Every Little Helps

 From the age of 14 I've not been overly satisfied with my life. At first I thought it was normal. I was getting spotty, growing boobs, struggling with school work. Every teenage girl goes through it. It even got to the stage where I thought getting bullied was normal. It started with my "overly large" eyes that had a "weird, scary colour". The minor things.This didn't bother me because I love the colour of my eyes. It gives me a different look. It got to something a lot closer to my heart though. My size. When I look back, I feel stupid for getting into this silly cycle with my eating and self esteem. I wasn't even fat and I was average looking. But at the time I felt gross. I was called every name under the sun. "Fat c*nt", "thunder thighs", people would make sick noises or eathquake sound effects whenever I walked past. It sounds minor but to a young girl it's a lot and that wasn't even all of it. I felt eyes on me whenever I walked into the school dining hall. People pulling fat faces at me while I ate. Girls making pig noises while I put food on my plate. Some of these girls were supposed to be prefects, would you believe. My portions got smaller, my appearance in the dining room decreased, and when I did eat it didn't stay in my system. I got more and more depressed and paranoid. And my problems didn't stop as soon as I left that hell hole of a "school" (the word 'school' is in inverted commas there due to the fact it was a public school and operated more like a business than focusing on what mattered; the education, behaviour, care and responsibility of the children attending it).

 But things have looked up a little as I've discovered who my real friends are and how special my family really are. My mum and dad are extremely brave. Their whole life has been a rollercoaster ride and hopefully soon that rollercoaster will only travel upwards for them. My friends have always stayed on board even when things got messy. These discoveries have inspired me to create a list of things you can do to support someone with mental health difficulties. Whether they are your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, mum,dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, best friend these methods will help. Different things work for different people but I am going to share with you the things I have received from other people support-wise that have helped with my issues.

My issues: Depression, social anxiety, PTSD, bulimia 

What to do if someone you know is having an anxiety attack

• Stop whatever you are doing and do whatever you can to make them feel comfortable. DO NOT try to give any physical contact such as a cuddle or something as you are then intruding their personal breathing space. Breathing is important in general, and especially while having an anxiety attack. Something Nathan did with me was he started to breathe in and out really deeply himself and get me to look at him and copy what he was doing. An anxiety attack can last up to 40 minutes and this method would end mine within ten minutes. 
• As stated above, an anxiety attack can last for up to 40 minutes and they are SO exhausting. Leading psychotherapists and psychologists have stated that an anxiety/panic attack takes up the same amount of energy as running a marathon. Once the person is calm,  let them have a nap, whack on a film or something. If they need to do something, offer to do it for them while they kick back for a bit. They will appreciate it.

Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are purely about self image and can be influenced or self induced to to a lack of confidence. The influences can be the mass media and their big old hypodermic syringe injecting us with information about how to look and all that jazz, bullying or comparing yourself to others. If you know someone with an eating disorder who is not getting professional help, make sure they seek it before things get out of hand. Anorexia and bulimia nervosa and binge eating are very unhealthy disorders and cause serious health implications and even lives. There's small things you can do though as well. Compliment them, tell them how much of a beautiful person they are inside and out little and often, make sure they eat sensibly, promote food with a positive attitude, take them out for meals, listen to them. Listening is key and you will never understand how valuable a good listener and shoulder to cry on is to someone who is having a tough time.

PTSD

• Nightmares are difficult to cope with, They can again induce anxiety attacks so follow the same guide lines. If the person wakes up screaming, startled and scared your first thought would be to cuddle them and hold them close. What if their nightmare was in fact a flashback of someone attacking them and then they wake up to arms around them? Imagine how scary that will be. Give them a bit of time to absorb their environment and know that they are safe, then cuddle them and ask them what happened. LISTEN. Do not switch off. Listening is appreciated. Then make sure you assure them you won't let anything like what happened in the nightmare will happen again. Put on a film or form of distraction, something happy, have a bit of a laugh with them and make sure they go back to sleep distracted with happy thoughts. 
• Encourage them to keep a diary of their thoughts and a log of their nightmares/flashbacks. Make sure they write down what may have induced these flashbacks. They will then feel they have a sense of control over these moments and the nightmares and flashbacks so they then may become less occurent.
• Don't bring up the source of the trauma which caused the PTSD unless they come to you to talk about it.
• Make them feel safe when they are in your company.

Depression and other mental health disorders

• Listen to them and be their rock and shoulder to cry on. Even if you don't know what to say, knowing someone is listening to you and cares enough to listen is very reassuring.
• Suggest fun days out
• Attend counselling sessions with them so they know they are not alone
• Give plenty of cuddles. They make people feel safe and loved.
• Let them know little and often they are loved but do not shower them with this fact as it may come across as a faux comment to make them feel better.
• Take your own feelings into consideration too. If you don't feel comfortable about talking and helping with something they are struggling with, suggest another source such as a website or counselling session. When they have done this, ask them how it went so they know you care. 
• Be their for a phone call and remind them your door is always open whatever the problem is.
• Be their when they come out the other side of the tunnel. It's a tough road. Someone who really cares will love them for better or for worse so to speak. If you ditch them as soon as they are happy again, it doesn't look good. It looks as though you only enjoy their friendship when they are unhappy.

I hope these guidelines are helpful. I cannot stress enough how important listening is though whether it is over the phone or a coffee. Stay strong xo