Personal Update | Lifestyle
Hi, guys!
I realised I haven't done one of these posts in ages, so I thought I should just let you know how things are going and how I'm getting on.
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On the job front, I am really enjoying working at Alton Towers. There has been so much togetherness and everyone is so lovely. Getting the job in the first place has boosted my confidence so much! But medically, I am no longer eligible to fulfill the role as a ride host because of a hereditary hearing loss. Because the park is so loud, especially working on roller coasters, I'm basically being paid to stand on ride entrances all day which is pretty de-motivating. So, I have applied for other roles across the park which I hope to hear from soon. I'd be silly to leave that place, as if you're a student and work there, you are pretty set as it offers above minimum wage payment for 16-19 year olds!
Summer, overall, has been amazing but so tiring! I'm at the age where I am supposed to be going to university, but that's obviously not happening because of various reasons. So, I am preparing myself for yet another attempt at college, which makes me seriously underestimate my abilities but I am going to attempt to do my this course in a year (Childcare and Education) so I can advance to uni next year, meaning I won't be too far behind people my age. This is another reason why I need to find a less demanding job, so I can make time to study.
So, what has this got to do with Summer being tiring? Well, I have been recruited by a nursery, a special needs play project as well as trying to maintain my job at Alton Towers and a social life. So it has been very hectic for me and everything is so all over the place! I'm actually looking forward to September. Would it be weird if I said college is going to be a break for me?
After a massive confidence booster of a holiday with Tom, pretty much two weeks after we touched down in England my anxiety suddenly started to come into play again, which has had a massive knock on my confidence and other small things. I can't take a selfie anymore without thinking 'oh god my hair looks awful...what's going on with my dimples' or any other really small insecurity. I've had panic attacks when riding my bike. Well, I've only been on it twice since I got it but I've never had confidence with this sort of thing. Tonight I just rode it around the village I live in and my hands were constantly on the breaks, I started hyperventilating every time a car came around the corner and I got off my bike and walked with it every time I saw someone walking the opposite way because I thought they might laugh at how wobbly and unconfident I was at 18 years old (this probably made me look like a bigger douche).
It's also made me really quiet as well, even with people I'm familiar with like my family and Tom and it gives off the impression I'm uncomfortable or in a bad mood when I'm perfectly fine I'm just quiet for some reason I really can't explain because I don't know myself, but it's come on since my anxiety has come back. It hurts though because people assume I am distancing myself, when I'm trying to keep myself connected. Someone once told me mental health was contagious and once people notice it in you, they don't want to catch it on to your negative thoughts so they distance themselves away from you. This is what I think is happening, even though I don't want to lose anyone I hold close to me, especially my family, Tom and my close friends.
One thing that has been cheering me up a lot is thinking towards the future. It gets me so excited and motivated. I've also been writing down bucket & gratitude lists down in little notebooks. Tom's mum bought me this gorgeous Harry Potter-esque one from this amazing stationary shop in Hanley the other week which I am going to keep for special things, ambitions and personal writing. Just as a small positivity project.
As to looking forward for things, is it bad I get so emotional and happy when I watch Don't Tell the Bride and One Born Every Minute ? I'm just so looking forward to settling down, getting my career and all that exciting stuff!
As far as I'm aware, that's all I have to share with you guys regarding my personal life. But I hope this has been a decent-ish read for you. Take care and remember I'm here for you all.
Enjoy Summer while it lasts!
Summer, overall, has been amazing but so tiring! I'm at the age where I am supposed to be going to university, but that's obviously not happening because of various reasons. So, I am preparing myself for yet another attempt at college, which makes me seriously underestimate my abilities but I am going to attempt to do my this course in a year (Childcare and Education) so I can advance to uni next year, meaning I won't be too far behind people my age. This is another reason why I need to find a less demanding job, so I can make time to study.
So, what has this got to do with Summer being tiring? Well, I have been recruited by a nursery, a special needs play project as well as trying to maintain my job at Alton Towers and a social life. So it has been very hectic for me and everything is so all over the place! I'm actually looking forward to September. Would it be weird if I said college is going to be a break for me?
After a massive confidence booster of a holiday with Tom, pretty much two weeks after we touched down in England my anxiety suddenly started to come into play again, which has had a massive knock on my confidence and other small things. I can't take a selfie anymore without thinking 'oh god my hair looks awful...what's going on with my dimples' or any other really small insecurity. I've had panic attacks when riding my bike. Well, I've only been on it twice since I got it but I've never had confidence with this sort of thing. Tonight I just rode it around the village I live in and my hands were constantly on the breaks, I started hyperventilating every time a car came around the corner and I got off my bike and walked with it every time I saw someone walking the opposite way because I thought they might laugh at how wobbly and unconfident I was at 18 years old (this probably made me look like a bigger douche).
It's also made me really quiet as well, even with people I'm familiar with like my family and Tom and it gives off the impression I'm uncomfortable or in a bad mood when I'm perfectly fine I'm just quiet for some reason I really can't explain because I don't know myself, but it's come on since my anxiety has come back. It hurts though because people assume I am distancing myself, when I'm trying to keep myself connected. Someone once told me mental health was contagious and once people notice it in you, they don't want to catch it on to your negative thoughts so they distance themselves away from you. This is what I think is happening, even though I don't want to lose anyone I hold close to me, especially my family, Tom and my close friends.
One thing that has been cheering me up a lot is thinking towards the future. It gets me so excited and motivated. I've also been writing down bucket & gratitude lists down in little notebooks. Tom's mum bought me this gorgeous Harry Potter-esque one from this amazing stationary shop in Hanley the other week which I am going to keep for special things, ambitions and personal writing. Just as a small positivity project.
As to looking forward for things, is it bad I get so emotional and happy when I watch Don't Tell the Bride and One Born Every Minute ? I'm just so looking forward to settling down, getting my career and all that exciting stuff!
As far as I'm aware, that's all I have to share with you guys regarding my personal life. But I hope this has been a decent-ish read for you. Take care and remember I'm here for you all.
Enjoy Summer while it lasts!
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